THE SIMPLE CONVERSATIONS COACH without steps, stress or strategies

Don't kick yourself if you miss this… 

Man holding hand up in front of his face

A Human dies and, like many Humans, goes to Heaven.

 

At the Pearly gates they're met by St. Peter who, after a few checks, welcomes them, 'Come in! Come in! We've been expecting you!'

 

The Human is filled with a warm, deep glow of peace as they are met by the Angel Gabriel who offers to give them a a tour of the amazing angelic acres.

 

The Angel glides with wings neatly folded as the Human is guided to amazing wonder after amazing wonder.

 

Cake eating without putting on the pounds...

Music listening without turning the volume down....

Bungee jumping without ever nearing ground...

 

Absolute bliss!

 

They pass a walled off part of Heaven with a single door and the words KEEP OUT written in tall red letters.

 

'What's behind that door?' Asks the Human.

 

Angel Gabriel's wings flutter slightly and his smile fades slightly.

 

'Ah that's the only place we're not allowed to show you. Please keep out. Believe me you don't 

want to go in there...'

 

The Human's brain starts buzzing, what's so terrible here in Heaven that even the Angels get twitchy?

 

And being Human, they pester, prod and persist until eventually, reluctantly Angel Gabriel relented with these words...

 

'Remember I said you don't want to go in there?'

 

'Yes, yes!' Replied the Human.

 

Slowly Angel Gabriel glides over to the door with the Human following close behind.

 

The Angel conducts a magical spell with mystical words on the door and it slowly opens.

 

The Human steps inside.

 

It was a vast area crammed with the most beautiful things, amazing experiences and interesting ideas.

 

The Human couldn't believe their eyes, 'Why?' They asked dumbfounded.

 

Angel Gabriel turned to the Human and spoke gently...

 

'Because these were the things you were meant to have, but you never believed you would have them.'


 

See just like Star Lord in Guardians of the Galaxy, you've built your whole universe on innocent beliefs that come from your thoughts.

 

And those thoughts are based on your perception.
 

Not what's really going on.
 

And as a result you miss so many opportunities.
 

You can change your thoughts in an instant.

Which changes your beliefs.

And changes your whole Universe forever.

 

P.S. My perception tells me I'm giving you value, but it may not be true... can you let me know in 70 seconds by completing these 3 easy questions please? https://forms.gle/wE117vkPBtf1DSkJ9

 

P.P.S. Are you struggling to change your Universe? Take 60 seconds and try out rocket-fueled simple nudges sent straight to your inbox today.

I was watching Guardians of The Galaxy Vol.3 the other day, a brilliant film I'd recommend you see if you can.
 

And the movie got me thinking...

 

But before I share this week's simple nudge, read this quick story first

The cat’s finally out the bag… 

Man holding hand up in front of his face

He's constantly pushing his team to look for better ways to serve the customer.

 

Pete's a brilliant leader.

 

Never switches off...

 

Running...

Walking...

Shopping...

 

He's constantly coming up with ideas to address the challenges his team face.

 

He loves it, telling me all the time he needs "the static" around his head to do his best work.


But when he tries to share these ideas with his team...

 

They struggle to understand...

They think he's a crackpot...

A time waster...

 

Because Pete's brain moves so fast, connecting so many dots...

What he says just comes out garbled and mixed up.

 

Do you know anyone like this ?


 

Now... Pete loves leadership tests, you know the ones...

 

What colour leader are you?

Which Barbie character describes your approach to management?

Which Smurf best describes your leadership style?


 

And he'd recently come across a new test...


 

He was raving about it, how it was going to help improve his communication with his team.


 

Now... I could see straight away Pete wasn't going to find what he was looking for.


 

Because whatever result he got from the test would only tell him


 

What he wanted to know...

Not what he needed to know...


 

See... Pete was looking for a way to improve his speaking and writing...

 

Not what was causing his speaking and writing to come out garbled and mixed up.


 

Can you spot the difference?


 

To improve a skill you need to explore the skill...

To know what's causing the lack of skill

You need to explore yourself.


 

But I wasn't about to burst Pete's enthusiastic bubble.


 

Not the right time.


 

So he did the test and rang me a few hours later with the result.


 

"I'm North!"


 

"Great, what does that mean Pete?"


 

He gleefully shared with me what the results told him about the pros and cons of his communication style.
 

"Ok," I gently said, "and how does that help you?"

 

"Well I just need to take more time writing my comms... take a few extra seconds to gather my thoughts before speaking..."

 

He trailed off at this point.

 

"Mmm... sounds like you're in for a bit of a challenge there?"

 

And there was silence on the other end of the phone.

 

I waited.

 

"But Chris," he finally said, "if it improves my communication, I'll just have to stick with it, it'll become natural after a while..."

 

"Might do. And what happens to the static you need to do your best work?"

 

Another silence.

 

And then I sensed the time was right...

 

I dropped this bombshell...

 

"Pete... it's all innocently made up. Someone has created that test with the best intentions out of thin air."

 

Did I sense a light bulb starting to glow?

 

"That's really good Chris, I'm going to write that one down!"

 

I then shared what Pete needed to know...

 

"Our minds are like driving a car down the motorway...

 

Sometimes we get so busy up in our heads that we stray out of our lane and start to lose control.

This is when we start sounding garbled and mixed up.

As we stray further and further out of our lane, we hit the rumble strips down the side of the road, and we naturally correct ourselves and move back in to our correct lane."

 

"Wow... I've got light bulbs going off in my head right now!"

 

Pete then fell silent again.

 

I held that silence for a long time to help Pete process.


 

Then...


 

"You know what Chris? In 10 minutes you've managed to help me clear the static around my head, my ideas are coming through clearer, I know what I need to say and how to say it."


 

Pete's still him.

 

Pete's still disrupting the norm.

 

Pete's now communicating with simple ideas, with the same impact he intended and his team are making amazing changes.


 

See how easy it is?


 

If not, go back and read this Simple Nudge a couple of times.


 

Just knowing what Pete knows now will change your whole life.


For life.

 

 

That's it for this week.

 

Until next time,

 

Chris


 

P.S. Did you see my elephant drawing last week? You can laugh at it here

 

P.P.S. Do you know someone who is tired of receiving the same 5, 7 - even 11 reasons why they're not living their best life right now? 
 

Share this page with them instead. Not only can they have a bit of a laugh to set them up for the week and try Simple Nudges for free today.

"It's all made up!" I eventually said after listening to my friend Pete 

getting caught up in all this.

 

My friend is a senior manager in a large organisation.

 

Pete's a bit of a maverick.

 

He has a pathological need to disrupt the norm...

 

Why are we doing it this way?

 

What's the thinking behind that?

 

Where does this fit into the bigger picture?
 

Let's talk about the elephant in the room... 

Man holding hand up in front of his face

As I say in the video below it’s not about whether it’s good, perfect or OK. 

 

It’s about having fun as well as a couple of other enlightening light bulbs…

 

Remember I also mentioned last week I’d have a go myself.

 

This is completely unpracticed, unscripted where anything could happen…

 

I try and explain (while drawing) why I asked you to draw an elephant in the first place.

 

So here it is… click on the link below

 

Watch me talking about the elephant in the room… 

 

Email me and let me know what your key takeaway is from this week :)

 

Until next week,

 

Chris 

 

P.S. I completely forgot to turn my picture the right way round at the end. So I share it at the bottom of the video page for you 

 

P.P.S. Do you know someone who is tired of receiving the same 5, 7 - even 11 reasons why they're not living their best life right now? 
 

Share this page with them instead. Not only can they have a bit of a laugh to set them up for the week and try Simple Nudges for free today.

Last week I said we should have a bit more fun in our life 

and I asked you to draw an elephant. 

 

Did you get a chance to try it out? 

 

I didn’t receive any pictures so no winner for this competition.

Is it me or has the fun been sucked out the air recently? 

Man holding hand up in front of his face

I think we need a bit of fun back in our lives… 


 

So I want to play a game with you this week. 

 

It’s really simple and only requires a pencil and a piece of paper. 

 

Any kind of pencil and any size of blank paper.

 

No artistic skill required at all and it will take you only 10 minutes… promise 🙂
 

You up for that?

 

Great!

 

Go and grab yourself a pencil and a piece of plain paper.

 

I’ll wait here for you…

 

You got them?

 

Now… 

 

Make sure your piece of paper is turned landscape on a flat surface, you know the one… 

long edges of your paper at the top and bottom…

 

And I want you to draw… 

 

Wait for it…

 

An elephant, but you have to follow my instructions…

 

Ok here goes…

 

Draw the body of your elephant any size you like

 

Draw the head any size you like

 

Draw your elephant’s eyes and ears any size you like

 

Draw your elephant’s four legs, yip… any size you like

 

Draw an unusual background for your elephant (use that awesome imagination you have)

 

Draw a tail any size you like

 

Draw the trunk any size you like

 

Go ahead and draw your elephant.


 

See… 

 

easy-peasy-banana-splitsy wasn’t it?

 

Now this next bit is optional…  

 

Send me your drawing.

 

No judgement…

 

Doesn’t matter if it’s a stick elephant, a Banksy elephant or Disney elephant.

 

The aim is not to draw a perfect elephant, it’s to have a go.

 

And just for fun there’s a prize worth £25 (about $32 and about L3055 Albanian Lek) for what I judge to be the best picture 🙂 

 

 

And… if you let me, I’ll share your creation with the rest of the online family…


The closing dates for entries is 12pm GMT, Friday 14th July 2023
 

Next week not only will I reveal my elephant drawing...

 

I’ll also announce the winner as well as reveal why you took part in this  bit of fun...

 

(there is a bit of psychology behind all this daftness).


 

In the meantime have fun drawing your elephant!


 

Chris 


 

P.S. My next door neighbour’s recently been made redundant so he took his money and set up a business making sailing ships in his loft. He told me things are picking up as sails are going through the roof…


 

P.P.S. Know someone who is looking for a bit of fun to arrive in their inbox each week?
 Send them to this page and below they can start their own journey with Simple Nudges sent straight to their inbox for free today.

I had a thought the other day…

 

Why is life getting really, really complicated, really, really fast? 

 

Is it just me or does it feel like the world woke up one morning to suddenly 

find all the fun had been sucked right out of the air during the night 

by a huge vacuum cleaner?

The Rise of 3 Principles, Turning From Darth Vader’s Dark Underpants… 

Man holding hand up in front of his face

I get that.

 

Every cat in their hat is out there looking for a pat on the back,

For helping Jack, helping Jill too;

Their lives now vastly improoved.

 

Now, I know my friend's a big Star Wars fan, so sprinkled with a bit of fun throughout, here's my reply to them...


 

I sense a disturbance in the Force, fueled by doubts surrounding the transformative potential of 3 Principles.


 

Fear not, for I am here to guide you through the wisdom of the Jedi and illuminate the path to understanding.


 

Trust the Force, strap on your lightsaber and let us begin  your training my young Padiwan.


 

The Force is strong in Everyone...

Listen closely...


 

As you know the The Force is not limited to Jedi Knights and Sith Lords alone.


 

It flows through every being, from the wise Yoda to the adorable Porgs (the puffin-like birds in "The Last Jedi").


 

Well 3 Principles coaching also recognises that the power within us is Universal.


 

So, whether you're going out with a Wookie or a droid, rest assured that they too, can tap into this cosmic energy and unleash their true potential.


 

Jedi Mind Tricks for Everyday Life...

 Picture this: You, my friend, honing the power of the mind like a Jedi Master.


 

With 3 Principles coaching, you'll learn mind-bending techniques that would make even Jabba the Hutt reconsider feeding anyone to the Sarlaac.


 

From navigating tricky situations at work to avoiding stepping on your pet droid, these Jedi mind tricks will have you wowing your friends and conquering the galaxy with finesse.


 

Embrace the Light and the Dark side of life...


 

Life is like a cantina on Tatooine... filled with both bright moments and shady corners...


 

3 Principles coaching encourages you to embrace the light and the dark, just like the Jedi do.


 

So, when the Jawas of life steal your droids or the Emperor of stress tries to take over, you'll have the resilience and wisdom to find balance and keep that rebellious spirit alive.


 

Yoda's Wisdom... With The Same Ears...


 

We all need a wise mentor to guide us, someone who knows the secrets of the Universe like Yoda.


 

In 3 Principles coaching, you'll find your own Jedi Master (with the same big ears but without being as smart, as green or as small).


 

They'll help you navigate the asteroid field of doubts like a crack Millennium Falcon pilot, offer insights sharper than a Rancor's claw, and be there to pick you up when you stumble after a Gundark's dry slap.


 

Unleash The Force and Let the Galaxy Be Your Playground...


 

Remember, the Force within you is as powerful as a Death Star's laser beam.

Once you embrace 3 Principles coaching, you'll tap into your inner Jedi and unlock a galaxy of possibilities. 


 

With newfound confidence and sense of humour, you'll soar through life's battles, connect with others like R2-D2 with a winning joke, and create a Universe filled with laughter and joy.


 

So it's up to you...


 

You can either embrace the darkness, darker than Darth Vader's underpants or...


 

Embrace the Force, train your mind with Jedi-like finesse, find balance in the chaos, seek guidance from your own Yoda, and unleash your limitless potential, with 1 simple hour long conversation a week.


 

Together we'll rise, proving 3 Principles coaching is not only powerful but also a hilarious adventure that brings laughter across the stars.


 

May the laughter be with you,

 

Chris (kinda like Yoda with big ears but without being as smart, as green or as small).

 

 

P.S. I got a reply the very next day, "Yeah ok you good-for-nothing space pirate, you've got me... where do I sign up?" :)
 

P.P.S. Know someone who is looking for their own Yoda (with big ears but without being as smart, as green or as small)? Send them to this page and below they can start their own journey for free today. 

 

I received an email the other day from an old friend who was, to say the least, 

sceptical about 3 Principles coaching.

 

Taking a friendly pop, they called me out as "just someone else finding 

a way to mess with people's minds in an already complicated world 

cluttered with HEY-PICK-ME! bloody coaches..."

Seriously, it's not personal. Here's why...

Man holding hand up in front of his face

They turn away from you at the party...

They stop texting every night...

They blank you in the office...

 

You rack your brains trying to find an answer (cos our brains doesn't like loose ends do it?)

 

See, there is something deeper going on here.

 

Let me explain...

 

Remember I've said in the past that our perception is our projection.

Basically what you believe is what you see all around you.

 

Well... what I've discovered goes even deeper.

 

And it's another simple insight that you'll probably need to come back to a few times just to check the full impact of what this means for you.


 

And here it is...

 

Your visual perception is set looooong before you register what you see.


 

This dictates what you see based on what you need in the moment.

 

I'll repeat that again...

 

This dictates what you see based on what you need in the moment.


 

It's more selective than Kiefer Sutherland looking for his next 'one-man-knows-what's-really-going-on-and-has-to-prove-it-to-the-rest-of-the-world-before-it's-destroyed' TV project :) 


 

Quick example...

 

You search for a brand new car in a brand new colour that no one else has in your neighbourhood.

 

But after a few clicks online you see everyone's got that same car in exactly the same colour!

 

Before you were looking for that car in that colour, your visual perception dictated you didn't need to see that car or that colour. So you didn't.

 

You still with me?

 

Good.


 

So you might be asking yourself why does my visual perception do this?

 

Again dead simple when you realise it.

 

Let me take you back a few steps first...

 

Remember you've been talking to someone at a party..

Or a long term work colleague at work...

Or a long term friend on the phone...

 

And for no reason you can fathom, they disappear on you.

 

You might put this down to…

 

They're really busy… (it happens)

You've really pissed them off… (it happens)

They just don't like you anymore… ah.

 

But this is just the way things are right?

 

Heck no.

 

This is what's really going on...


 

You no longer matter to their survival.

Now the person doesn't know this the reason.

I'll come back to this in a minute.

 

So this is what this means for you.

 

There's loads going on everywhere in the world right?

Too much for you to process all at once.

Our cognitive abilities are limited.

 

Therefore you see the world in a distorted, or at best, a selective way.

 

You visualize to survive.

 

In other words...

 

What you see is based on what you need.

 

Feel hungry? You suddenly see all those fast food leaflets piling by your front door.

 

Feel like a movie? You suddenly see all the adverts on TV and on the side of buses.

 

Feel you no longer love your partner? You suddenly go looking elsewhere for love...

 

 

And this is also why no matter how good you are at what you do, no one will pay attention to you until they're looking for what you do.

 

Great painter and decorator? Doesn't matter until someone comes looking for a great painter and decorator.

Great manager? Doesn't matter until someone comes looking for a great manager.

Great communicator? Doesn't matter until someone comes looking for a great communicator.

 

This is why when you're ready to change your life, the right person who can help will appear for you.

 

Get the picture?

 

If someone doesn't like you, seriously it's nothing personal...

 

It's just their self preservation kicking in...

 

You don't factor into their survival right now.

 

What's interesting is... it doesn't mean you won't be on their radar again later.

 

Remember I mentioned earlier the person doesn’t know this is the reason?

While it doesn’t make it any less painful for you, they've innocently mislabeled this in their head to help make sense of what's happened.

 

Simple isn't it?

 

Next time you decide you don't like someone, cut yourself some slack...you're not a bad person...

it's your survival instinct saving you.

 

That all make sense?

 

I hope so.

 

Because if it does things never need be the same again...

 

There's lots more where this came from...

I've got information I'm going to be sending you soon, at no cost, that others are charging a hundred bucks for.

 

Intrigued?

 

You should be...

 

Speak to you next week.


Chris

 

P.S. Know someone who is looking for rocket-fueled results to improve their life?

Send them to this page so they can try Simple Nudges sent straight to their inbox for free.

It's bloody frustrating isn't it? 

 

Someone you've been talking with for ages suddenly stops responding.

 

Whether it's business, friend or partner...
 

Their communication. just. stops.
 

Here's Why Dad's Are Awesome...

Man holding hand up in front of his face

Here's why Dad's are awesome.

They can be a Brother, a Sister, a Mother, an Uncle...

An Aunt, A Cousin, could even by Trunkle.

 

Whoever it is, it's not by chance.

Think of them, thankle them

But please...

Don't let them dance ;)

 

Have a great week!

 

Chris

 

P.S. Struggling to make the change you've set yourself? Test drive Simple Nudges sent direct at no cost to your inbox. It might just be the rocket-fueled result you're looking for.

It's Father's Day in the UK so this one's going to be a quick one for you.

Willpower's overrated, here’s why…

Man holding hand up in front of his face

Before I spill the beans...


Do you get frustrated and silently tell your gym membership to "jog on" around the 15th February even though you faithfully promised yourself this year it would be different?


Do you get overwhelmed and meander around your diet about 6 months after starting it even though you know you want to fit into that pair of jeans again?

 

Do you commit everything you have to something amazing, then about 8 months you feel utter despair and quietly ghost that amazing something and start looking for something else?

 

I know why this is happening and it has nothing to do with...

 

Willpower...

 

Positive thinking...
 

Or you...

 

Read on to discover what's really going on here.

 

 

Here's what I found.

 

Your brain is wired to conserve energy and has had a looooong time to perfect this amazing feat.

 

It knows when you need rest...

It knows when you can switch off from boring stuff...

It knows when you're wasting your time...

 

See there's something in your brain called a Monitor.

 

When you decide to do something or take action for yourself, it calculates and sets the ratio of how much effort is required against the progress required to achieve the goal.

 

So if you'd set yourself the goal of losing 2 stones in the next 12 months, Monitor would work out how much you'd need to do each month to achieve this goal.

 

Now Monitor is on your side, it wants you to succeed.

 

As you start towards your goal, Monitor is constantly assessing your progress against this ratio that cannot be changed once set.


 

And then things start to go wonky...

 

You start to feel frustrated that you're not making the progress you expected...

Monitor checks the ratio... might be slightly out but nothing to be concerned about.

 

You're good to keep going.

 

A bit of time goes by and you start feeling overwhelmed that it's too much for you and you'll never achieve the goal...

Mmm... Monitor starts to wonder if the ratio is right.

 

A bit more time goes flying by and you start to despair...

"This is too much! It can't be this difficult! What the F*CK am I doing??"

 

Now Monitor checks the ratio, realises it's way out and in a desperate bid to conserve energy and your survival, it flicks a switch and...

 

You go back to...

 

Binge watching Netflix...

Binge eating your way through a box of sweets...

Binge sitting on your sofa...

 

The easy stuff.

 

But then you get angry at yourself because you wasted all that money, all that time, all that energy!

 

Sound familiar?

 

So why do you go back to doing easy stuff?

 

Because...

 

Monitor is conserving energy for your survival.

 

And there's nothing you can do about it.


 

Or...

 

is there...?

 

Could there be a way out...?

 

A sneaky escape route...?

 

Sure is.

 

Something that the legendary Jon Street came up with that he calls the GEE model.

 

When you're aware you're getting angry or despair is heading your way, do these 3 things...

 

1. Change the Goal - make it smaller. Remember all you need to know is what the immediate next step is, not the whole journey.

 

2. Change the Effort - look at what you're doing. Is it enough? Is it too much?

 

3. Change the Expectation - Are you being too hard on yourself? Minimise the expectation and you minimise the frustration.


 

Let's use our example of losing 2 stones in 12 months to demonstrate this...


 

1. Change the Goal... don't think about what you have to achieve next month, 6 months time or 11 months down the road. Focus on your goal for this month.

 

2. Change the Effort... if you're not doing enough to lost the weight, increase your actions. If you're doing too much and losing weight really fast, check in with a doctor then take a break, doesn't matter how long, rest and rejuvenate, ready to complete your next goal if it's safe to do so.

 

3. Change the Expectations... how much progress are you making? Don't be too hard on yourself, does it have to be 2 stones or can it be less?


 

Make sense?

 

Make those changes.

 

It's that simple.



Now it's your turn...


 

Go out, take action and put this new understanding into action.

 

That way you never need to struggle with willpower again!

 

Look out for another Simple Sunday without steps, stress or strategies.


 

Hope this weather stays good for you.


 

 

Have a great week!


 

Chris


 

P.S. Struggling to make the change you've set yourself? just try the simple nudges without steps, stress or strategies sent direct free to your inbox.

It's hot in the UK at the moment isn't it?

 

Hotter than eating a vindaloo in the Sahara desert 100 miles from water in any direction.

 

I'm writing this in my garden and just realised I forgot to put any sun cream on so when you read this I'll likely be very red, very sore and very coll with panda sunglasses....

 

I came across this little light bulb recently and thought of you.

It’s only taken us 300,000 years

Man holding hand up in front of his face

“We get bored fast don't we?


Faster than a fart in space.


How many times have you jumped from one idea to another without giving each one a chance to develop?


Have you noticed the speed at which you get bored of social media and TV?


And who do you know who sets a new speed of thought record constantly craving the next new thing?


Have you ever got bored with your partner?


How many companies have you seen go bust because of a lack of customers?

 

And tragically, how many people do you know who have taken their own lives?
 

So what's going on?


 

Here's what I found...

 

Our ancestors had to survive against tremendous odds.
 

Ferocious fangs of death belonging to awesome creatures looking for their next meal.

Wild weather whipping our bare knees... 501s hadn't been invented yet...

Horrendous heat burning our eyes... BluBlocker sunglasses were nowhere to be seen either.

Unimaginable global shifts and environmental sprints that we couldn't even begin to understand...


In order to survive our ancestors knew they had to move on quickly or die.

Move to a new shelter.

Move on to a new country.

Move on in scientific knowledge.

 

And so evolution gave us one of our greatest safety triggers - our attention span.

It is baked into your DNA, if we do something or stay somewhere too long we will die as a species unless we move on, change our surroundings.

 

This worked fine for thousands of years, keeping us safe and alert.

 

Until...

 

We no longer needed to be nomadic, we no longer needed to move on as a survival instinct.

 

So our attention span was left in limbo.

 

Nowadays when the instinct to move on kicks in, most of us don't.
 

Our attention span is a hard one to shift, even harder for our DNA to unbake, after all it's been keeping us safe for 300,000+ years.

 

Now... nature took one look at this situation and, not liking loose ends, repurposed our attention spans.

 

You guessed it...


Our attention span was turned away from improving our survival and was firmly and squarely resighted on our desire to self improve.

 

It's why...


You jump from one idea to another without giving each a chance to develop.

You get bored of the same regarbaged messages on Facebook, Twitter and TV.

You constantly crave the next shiny thing.

You get bored of your partner and either have an affair, divorce or take time out away from them.

You hear about companies go bust.

You know people who have tragically taken their own lives.

 

But if it's so hard to unbake our attention span out of our DNA, what can we do to avoid the above happening?

You know if you do nothing and keep doing the same thing over and over, you'll obviously get the same results and you'll also wake up one day to find the world's moved on and wonder...


What just happened?


Do this instead...

 

Focus on the result... 

Doesn't matter what you're having to do to achieve the result, difficult conversations, boring business processes, humongous housework... 

Keep the result in mind every step of the way...

Think about the best result for everyone, the bigger picture... 

How much nicer your house will look when visitors turn up out the blue...

 

Change the channel...

You've got access to 200 squillion+ TV channels so finding one without ads will be easypeasy kiwi squeezie.

 

You know the algorithms for social media platforms target you based on your online behaviour... that's why you're forced to see the same regarbaged sales messages. So step off social media for a while. 

Even better: stop using it all together.

 

I stopped using social media platforms a number of years ago now...

And I'm still alive...

The planet has continued to spin...

 

(Yes the eagle-eyed among you may have seen I recently started back on Twitter, this is a short experiment to see how useful it is reaching out to others).

 

Ask yourself a couple of tough questions...

Before you buy it, ask yourself how that new shiny object will improve your life?

And... how much clutter will this shiny new object add to your life?

Is it really worth it?

 

Yeah I know... a bit of tough love right there.

 

Talk to your partner...

Please. You'll be amazed what you learn about each other and yourself that will head off a decision you will regret later.

 

Diversify...

If your company doesn't find a way to tweak, test, terminate products, it will die.

 

Ask for help...

Remember it's ok to scream you're not ok. Speak to someone. Anyone you trust. It will make your day.

 

See how simple all this is?

 

Creating your own change.



Can you really afford not to take notice of what I've shared today?


 

Maybe.


 

But probably not.


 

You certainly can't ignore it like so many have innocently done.

 

Come back next weekend for another Simple Sunday without steps, stress or strategies.

 

Have a great week!


 

Chris

 

P.S. You don't need to look down the back of your sofa for the change I'm talking about, just start your journey by clicking the button below and in about 60 seconds you'll get your simple nudges without steps, stress or strategies sent direct free to your inbox.

Something popped up in my feed this week that gave me an "Aha" moment.

 

No not the one where I suddenly belt out "Take... on... me..."

 

No... as I read, pennies started kerchinging in my head...

Suddenly my mind was making connections...

And something became very clear to me...

Something which I wanted to share with you.


 

But first...

iNsights from iMacs

Man holding hand up in front of his face

“As Jobs showed it off to me, he caressed the stockade panels and recalled a lesson that his father implanted deeply in him. It was important, his father said, to craft the backs of cabinets and fences properly, even though they were hidden. 

 

“He loved doing things right. He even cared about the look of the parts you couldn’t see.”

 

For those old enough, do you remember the original Apple iMac in the 1990s? 
The ones with the different coloured perspex covers on the back?

 

Every one of those iMacs was signed by the team who designed and engineered it.

Their signatures are hidden away deep inside the bowels of the machine, out of sight, never to be seen.


 

There are many great coaching techniques, models and systems that help people around the world, too many to mention and do them justice here. 

 

They help people to fix the fences they have spent their whole life building. 

 

The thing is... 


Every now and again those people return to those same coaching techniques, models and systems to fix something else about their fence.


This can be expensive and counter productive. 


What if you knew the backs of your fence panels never needed fixing?

What if you knew the front of your fence panels never needed replacing?

What if you knew you never had to fix your fence again?

What would that be worth to you?

What would that mean to you?


 

You see... I like to get things right as well… whether people see them or not. 



I don’t use any techniques, models or systems. 


Because I know my clients don’t need fixing. 


They just need a little help… a nudge... to see this for themselves.


So I just have a chat with them... 

 

Maybe tell a story...

 

Maybe tell a joke (really badly)…


Who knows...


At some point during our chat, it could be in our first hour or weeks later,  they have an “AHA” moment.

And they see for themselves what they thought and believed was simply an innocent misunderstanding.


And like Steve Jobs’ fence they also realise they never needed fixing. Ever.
 

In his iconic book Steve Jobs: The Exclusive Biography, Walter Isaacson writes about where the love of getting things right started. 


 

The visionary creator of stuff we didn’t realise we needed was showing Isaacson the fence he helped build as a child.

What is that BUBUM, BUBUM, BUBUM sound?

Man holding hand up in front of his face

I am banned from DIY in the house, yet over the years people have asked me to help them fix something. 
 

Fix their low self esteem.

Fix their plummeting confidence.

Fix their lack of productivity.

Fix their messiness.

Fix their social shyness.

Fix their short run of success.

You know when you’re travelling down the road in a car, have you ever noticed those small raised bumps either side of the road?

 

These are called rumble strips.

 

If your car starts drifting out of its lane or towards the edge of the road, the second your tyres hit those rumble strips you hear a BUBUM BUBUM BUBUM sound. 

 

That sound is designed to wake you up, to get you back into your lane. 

 

It’s the same for anyone who thinks they need fixing.

All that’s happened is you’ve just innocently drifted out of your lane.

 

You hit the rumble strips in your head and just need a nudge back into the right lane.

 

Within eight weeks you quickly regain your 

 

Solid self esteem. 

Shock proof confidence.

Powerful productivity.

On target Organisation.

Sharp social skills.

Sustained success.

 

And when you know you don’t need fixing because you were never broken in the first place, you never look back.

 

You were born with everything you need. 

 

Think back to when you started playschool. 

 

You didn’t need solid self-esteem to know if you could go on the swing, the see-saw or the roundabout.

 

You didn’t wonder whether you had shock proof confidence enough to run around really fast in a circle daft as a brush. 

 

You didn’t worry about your sharp social skills when your best friend often changed between morning break and lunch time.

 

You just did it. 

 

As you grew up through your teens into adulthood, quite innocently you looked for outside cues to tell you when you need to do something, where you go, why you mustn't trust anymore, how you’re getting on and who you are. 

 

In the early 90’s psychologists started studying the voice in your head, asking some really interesting questions such as what’s its purpose? Will it always be there? Is it always on your side and is it your voice?

 

The sciency stuff is still ongoing but here’s what I know from my small cup of understanding.
 

It’s an innocent misunderstanding of the world around you.

 

You drift out of your lane because you innocently stop hearing your inner voice.

 

Your inner voice is your wisdom. 

 

It’s always there,  it’s always got your back and it’s the true you.

 

You have everything you need to succeed.


Another Simple Sunday without steps, stress or strategies coming next week.

Call of the Weird

Man holding hand up in front of his face

Just when you've figured out what you're doing.

 

Where you are...

 

How you're going to get ahead...

 

When you're going to do it...

 

Change happens.

We all know deep down that unlike vending machines, change is inevitable.

 

So if we know it's inevitable why do so many of us secretly struggle with it?

 

Here's a story about someone's struggle with change right up to the very last minute...

 

An armada of the US Navy was engaged in naval exercises off the coast of Canada when the following radio exchange was recorded:

 

#1 "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid danger of collision."

 

#2 "Recommend that you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid danger of collision."

 

#1 "We repeat. Divert north to avoid collision."

 

#2 "Strongly recommend you divert south soonest to avoid mishap."

 

#1 "This is the Captain of a US Navy warship. I say again, divert your course with immediate effect."

 

#2 "Copy. We say divert course south now."

 

#1 "This is the USS Enterprise. We are an aircraft carrier of the US Navy. Divert your course NOW!"

 

#2 “We are a Canadian lighthouse. Your call!" 

 

Something to think about: It's not the change facing us that we secretly struggle with, it's the change we know needs to happen in ourselves that really scares us.


Another Simple Sunday without steps, stress or strategies coming next week.

 

Thanks to the following source for the inspiration for this week's Simple Sunday

 

Behavioural Flexibility, The Magic of Metaphor (2001), Nick Owen

Are you a Starfish?

Man holding hand up in front of his face

Starfish have eyes.

 

And they walk. 

 

Yip. 

 

Absolutely true. 

 

Read on to discover how this is possible and what it has to do with you.

So the eyes... 

 

At the end of each of their legs starfish have a single eye that helps them orientate themselves and escape from predators and find food. Scientists believe they see in shades of grey.

 

And the walking...

 

Starfish don't have blood running through their bodies, instead they circulate sea water. 

 

So if they want to go somewhere they simply pump the sea water in and out of the legs they want to use, much like a muscle. 

 

The leg extends and contracts exactly like a walking leg. 

 

And if that wasn't impressive enough, if a starfish lost a leg, it would grow back.

 

And...  the leg they lost could also grow a whole new starfish from it. 

 

Identical in every way to the original. 

 

Pretty impressive survival skills right?

 

A little boy and his Grandad were walking down the beach and as they came over the crest of a dune there were stranded starfish as far as the eye could see along the coast. 

 

The little boy walked to the shore, picked up the first starfish he saw and gently placed it in the water.

 

After a few moments it started, very slowly, moving deeper out to the tranquil, turquoise ocean. 

 

His Grandad looked around and gently said, 'You’ll never be able to help all those starfish back into the water.' 

 

'I know', said the little boy smiling, 'but I've helped that one stranded starfish.'


 

And that's exactly what I do... (I haven't had a chance to help stranded starfish yet).

I help one person. At a time.

 

Is that you?


Another Simple Sunday without steps, stress or strategies coming next week.

How long are you going to continue worrying?

Man holding hand up in front of his face

It's not a normal conversation topic is it?

 

How long are you going to continue worrying and stressing?

 

Well, you might say

 

'Hey I've spent years building up my worry and stress, it's what makes me who I am, I don't want you taking that away from me!'

 

Ok and how's that going for you?

 

See despite the thinking that stress is good for us and we should embrace it to become better people, and we should lean into our worry so we'll be better on the other side, we Humans are not made for stress.

 

We never have been.

And if you were given the option at birth...

 

'Ah... yes... welcome to your life, now... we have 2 options open to you... stressed out your box later in life or stress free living?"

 

"You want more details of the options... ok... so Stressed out your box will arrive sometime during your life, no guarantees when and no guarantee it will disappear. 

 

But you will be constantly worrying and stressful about all manner of things for example (and don't worry about knowing what these are, it will become clear throughout your life) money, family, your future... all manner of things. 

 

Where as the Stress free living option will mean that while you can't stop things happening, you'll see it is just your thought creating the worry and stress and so it won't affect you. "

 

Which would you choose?

 

To help you answer the question of how long you are going to continue worrying and stressing, there is the well known YouTube video using jelly beans, which is a great video but I'm going to do something a little different.

 

I've managed to track down an alternative with the same message.

 

It's a well known comedian working out how much time he has left to live. 

 

CLICK THIS LINK , click on the volume button on the video, sit back and enjoy 8 minutes of pure genius!


Another Simple Sunday without steps, stress or strategies coming next week.

You won the Human race... what now?

Man holding hand up in front of his face

You’ve swam the race of your life...

 

You were up against some immense competition...

 

Every competitor gave it everything they had, all of them single minded… 

 

And you won.

 

At staggering odds  of between 1:400 trillion to 1:10                 in this immeasurably vast Universe, three things converged: the right people, the right place and the right time.  

 

To get you across the finish line of birth.

 

Pause a second to put this feat into perspective…

 

Current thinking that to win the lottery is about 1:4,000,000

 

Current thinking that aliens are out there is between 9:1 and 50:50

 

Wow… you’re friggin awesome!



 

Right now you’re thinking…

So if I’ve won this race Chris, where’s my prize?
I’m not having the best of times at the moment so I could really do with something better than ‘Your prize is life!’ 


 

Well good news…


 

The Universe likes to over deliver, so you actually received three prizes…

 

The prize of Thought to think up whatever you want in your mind. 
You get to write... edit... add special effects... add music... whatever you want… now that’s a cool prize. 

 

The prize of Consciousness to bring your thoughts to life in a full on 4D experience. 
This prize on its own just keeps giving 24/7

 

The prize of Mind is to help you know you are connected to wisdom any time you want it. 
Good to have this one in your back pocket… for when you’re ready. 

 

You won the Human Race - YAY!

 

If you need help collecting any of your prizes, reach out to me.

 


Another Simple Sunday without steps, stress or strategies coming next week.

 

Thanks to the following sources for the inspiration for this week's Simple Sunday 

Science Alert
National Lottery
ScienceDaily
 

 

 2,685,000

You’re an expert at seeing this… 

Man holding hand up in front of his face

You’re awesome at seeing things that never existed.

 

An expert in fact.

 

I don’t mean you make things up… deliberately… or that you’re as mad as Mad Madam Mim…

 

I’m awesome at it too… 

 

So is everyone you and I know…

In fact we’re all in the significant minority…

Because everyone does it.

See according to senior boffins at Cambridge University, working memory or “imagination” (to you and me) is made up of 3 parts, one of which is called the visuospatial sketchpad.

 

This little bundle of brain pulls off the nifty trick of being a cinema screen in your head. 

 

You literally “see” things that never happened. 

 

Think about it… 

 

How many times have you swore blind you spoke to someone…

Believed beyond doubt you saw something…

Thought you overheard people…

 

Only to later discover none of it ever happened?

 

A bit bloody scary isn't it...

 

When I was 5 I absolutely believed I was riding my bike, got to the end of my street...
turned a corner as my back wheel hit some big bins and I fell... ending up in hospital. 
Only to discover years later I didn’t even make it to the end of the street. 
An eye witness said they saw me get on my bike outside the block of flats...
started pedaling on a clear stretch of path...
stopped dead and just fell to the ground. 


Out cold. 


Until I woke up in hospital.

 

 

Another term for this phenomenon is belief. 

 

And this neat little trick has been played on entire countries.

 

Here’s an example…

 

The legends of King Arthur, Merlin, Guinevere, the Knights of the Round Table… remember them?

 

“Oh yeah I know this one Chris” I hear you say…

 

“Thomas Mallory wrote all about the legends in his book Le Morte D’Arthur published in 1485... come on ask me a tough one!” 

 

Really?

 

... you sure?

 

...phone a friend?

 

See for about 1,000 years there were only a few countries in the whole world telling stories about their heroes and champions.

 

But Britain was languishing in the lake of lore. A broken island of barbarians.

 

So a Welsh monk called Geoffrey of Monmouth decided to do something about this and wrote History of the Kings of Britain charting the great deeds of the British people up to 689 AD. 

 

Published in 1136, the book told of the daring deeds of Arthur, Merlyn, Guinevere and the Knights of the Round Table. 

But it was all completely made up. Not a word of the book was true. 

 

And it flew off the medieval shelves… going on to be translated into many languages.

 

Geoffrey’s stroke of genius was that people started believing his tales and started “seeing” themselves in these roles

 

in the mirror

in their beliefs

in their actions

 

And so the British Empire was created and was to last as recently as 1937 where a quick check would confirm little old England had substantial territories in all 24 time zones across the planet.

 

Not bad for a completely made up story by a 12th century monk eh? 

 

And just for the record…

Thomas Mallory based his Le Morte D’Arthur on Geoffrey’s book 349 years later.

T.H. White based his Arthurian tetralogy, the first of which was The Once and Future King on Mallory’s book 453 years later.

Disney released their movie The Sword in the Stone based on White’s first book 25 years later.

 

So what does this mean for you?

 

When you see or hear something, even if you've come across it before, always ask yourself: 

Do I believe this is true, know it’s true or just think it’s true?


Another Simple Sunday without steps, stress or strategies coming next week.

 

Thanks to the following sources for the inspiration for this week's Simple Sunday


Magical Worlds of the Wizard of Ads by Roy H. Williams
The Sword in the Stone 
Geoffrey of Monmouth

The 3 what?

Man holding hand up in front of his face

Everything I share in my Simple Sundays, Simple Shorts and Simple Nudges is because of The Three Principles.

 

I started gaining insights a few years ago during a particularly difficult time and have continued to gain further insights as I have a rise in consciousness.  

 

Notice I don't say I understand the Three Principles. It is impossible to understand them. 

That's like saying I know the stars in the Solar System, I know their names, their place in space and who discovered them but I'm a loooooong way from understanding their orbital seasons, geology and their atmospheric makeup.  

 

And it's the same with The Three Principles.

 

If the Three Principles were an ocean, what I know would be a small puddle. 

 

And that's enough to share what I know with others struggling or just looking for a nudge in their lives. 

The Three Principles are about the nature of reality and how we experience it. 

They were first shared by Sydney Banks, a Scottish welder, in 1973. 

 

The Three Principles are:

  • Mind: The energy and intelligence of all life, whether in the form, or formless. The Universal Mind, the impersonal mind, or “wisdom” is constant and unchangeable. The personal mind is in a perpetual state of change.
  • Consciousness: Consciousness is the gift of awareness. Consciousness allows the recognition of form, form being an expression of Thought.
  • Thought: The power of Thought is not self-created. Thought is a divine gift, which serves you immediately after you are born. Thought is the creative agent we use to direct us through life.

The Three Principles are the foundation of all human experience. 

 

Whether we recognise them, the Three Principles are always there. 

 

Mind is always present, and it is always good. It is the source of all creativity and intelligence. 

Consciousness is our awareness of the Mind, and it is through the Consciousness that we experience the world. 

Thought is our interpretation of the world, and it is through the Thought that we create our reality.

 

When you start to understand the Three Principles around you, you can begin to see how you create our own reality. 

 

If you want to change your life, start by changing your thoughts. 

 

Another Simple Sunday without steps, stress or strategies coming next week. 

Changing of the Thought

Man holding hand up in front of his face

It’s all change again this weekend as the clocks go forward in the UK.

Summer time is inevitable just like change.

Yip. change is an inevitable part of life.


Whether you like it or not,  change is constantly happening around you and within you.


Trying new food…

Moving to a new city…

Starting a new career…


And as you know change can bring about a whole range of emotions and challenges.

Let’s start with this: Change is a natural part of your world.

 

Everything is constantly changing… the weather outside your window to the economy (and boy do you know about that last one).

 

You as a human being are constantly subject to change (like those offers you hear about on the radio, but without the closing date).

 

Your body changes as you age doesn’t it?

 

Your relationships change as you grow and evolve…

 

Your beliefs and values may change too…

 

Despite this inevitability, you still find it difficult to cope with change.

 

You know why don’t you? 

 

Yep.. change often involves three uns:

 

Uncertainty, unpredictability and unknowns.

 

By their nature you don’t know what to expect which leads to anxiety and fear.

 

Both of which I’ve covered in previous Simple Sundays.

 

Additionally change often involves leaving your comfort zone and facing new, scary challenges, which bring their own baggage of dauntingness and overwhelmingism.

 

Ah… but surely something has changed in your life that has been positive?

Meeting the person of your dreams?

Discovering a new shop?

Stumbling across a new podcast?

 

See change is just a word used to explain your options.

 

They are all just options. They are neutral. They don’t have a secret, hidden agenda where you are concerned (you’re not that important).

 

They cannot influence you either way unless you apply thinking to them.

 

And when you apply thinking to them, you will either think positively or negatively about them… and that’s when you either start to feel anxious or animated.

 

How you feel about change innocently comes from your thoughts, it does not come from the change itself.

 

And remember… you do not have to act on your thoughts. Ever.

 

 

Another Simple Sunday without steps, stress or strategies coming next week.

This one's for your Mum, wherever she may be 

Man holding hand up in front of his face

Yay! It's Mother's Day here in the UK.

To celebrate this amazing day I'm sharing this with all my friends having their Sunday nudge...

Reading their invaluable packed newsletter...
Watching the simple YouTube channel...
Reading this lazy, lounging blog...

You'll probably know Mother's Day is celebrated around the globe, but what you may not know is that it occurs on different dates around the world.
 

For example in the UK it is celebrated on the 4th Sunday in March because its origins stretch back to the Middle Ages where you would 'honour your mother' by returning to your Mother church on the 4th Sunday in Lent.

In the US, Australia, Denmark, Finland, Italy, Switzerland, Turkey and Belgium it is celebrated on the 2nd Sunday in May (there are three possible origins for this date) and in Thailand Mother's Day is always celebrated on the Queen's birthday, currently Queen consort Suthida.

So as well as celebrating Mums wherever they may be, I'm going to help you discover your own insight.

But remember... don't try to work this out with your ego... doesn't work that way.

Just let your mind settle...

There you go...

Ready?

There is a link between your Mum and the Three Principles.



See, Mums are a great example of Mind, Consciousness and Thought.

Just as I cannot point and say "Hey... there they are... there's the Three Principles... quick get a picture!"
So you cannot point to your Mum's unconditional love.

Yes you can point to the results of both but, as they are formless, it is impossible to point at them.

Stick with me... (remember don't try to work it out with your ego)...

You cannot point to your Mum's unconditional love but it's always there.
You cannot point to the Three Principles but they're always there.

To give you an example, try this...

Think back to when you did something naughty as a kid (or as a growed up)... no matter what you did, your Mum still had your back right?

Now think back to when something nice happened as a kid (or as a growed up)... no matter what happened, the Three Principles had your back.

Your Mum's unconditional love just is. You don't need to think about it.
The Three Principles just is. You don't need to think about it.

Give it time... it'll land when you least expect it.


Now I know for some of you this is not a time for celebration...

It may be a painful reminder of someone you've lost...
It may be a bitter sweet reminder of someone you looked up to as a role model...
It may be a chance to remember someone you once knew...

Please know you are in my heart today.

And always remember, especially you Mums... Grannys... Aunts... Big Sisters...

You are enough!

love,

Chris
 

Have you had an insight? 

Would you like some more?

When your Negative Talk Radio cranks up to 11

Man holding hand up in front of his face

Do you have a radio station that switches itself on?

 

You have no control over it...

 

Always in the morning as you’re waking up?

 

Telling you all the things you can’t do or shouldn’t try?

 

You don’t notice but it’s always on in the background.

Always on when you’re at work thinking about promotion…

 

Always on when you’re about to pay for an online course to improve yourself…

 

Always on when you’re trying something new…


Drowning out all the good stuff

 

Replacing it with fear, insecurity and doubt

 

Reminding you that you are just not good enough.

 

And this continues day after day after day after day after day until before you know it your Negative Talk Radio station in your head is blaring out, cranked right up to 11 so that your neighbours, friends and family start to hear it…

 

“I won’t bother applying for that job because I’m not good enough…”

 

“No… I didn’t sign up to the course because what if I fail at it? That’s a lot of money to throw away…”

 

“Who am I to try introducing this new idea, I’m a nobody”

 

Sound familiar?

 

Good. You’re in the right place.


Stick your hand up if you’ve ever had feelings of inadequacy? 

 

Self-doubt?

 

A persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud?

 

Despite overwhelming evidence around you of your success, your capability and your skill?

 

 Yep… me too… even now when I know what I know, it creeps in sometimes, then I deal with it. 


This syndrome can have a significant impact on your mental health… your career and your relationships. 

It can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and burnout. 

As well as prevent you from pursuing opportunities, taking risks or realizing your full potential. 


SCARY F*CKING STUFF!


Ok so what do you do about it?


Well… listen in…

 

Officially there is no single cause, it can arise from a variety of factors, including:

  1. Perfectionism - Individuals who strive for perfection are more likely to experience impostor syndrome, as they set unrealistic expectations for themselves and are often self-critical when they fall short (remind you of anyone?)
  2. Upbringing - Individuals who were raised in environments that emphasized achievement and success may develop impostor syndrome, as they internalize the belief that they must always perform at a high level to be valued.
  3. Social Comparison (the BIG one) - Individuals who frequently compare themselves to others may develop Impostor syndrome, as they feel inadequate in comparison to their peers.
  4. Stereotype Threat - Individuals who belong to groups that re negatively stereotyped may develop Impostor syndrome, as they feel pressure to disprove the stereotype and prove their worth.
  5. Trauma - Individuals who have experienced past trauma, such as abuse or neglect, may develop impostor syndrome, as they internalize the belief that they are not deserving of success or praise.

How to Overcome Impostor Syndrome?

 

Again officially overcoming it is not easy, but it is possible. Here are some ways to help manage it:

  1. Recognize and acknowledge your feelings - It's essential to acknowledge and accept that impostor syndrome is a real experience that you are going through. Recognizing your feelings can help you understand what triggers them and develop strategies to manage them.
  2. Challenge negative self-talk - Individuals with impostor syndrome tend to have negative self-talk and an inner critic that tells them they are not good enough. Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are based on facts or assumptions. Try to reframe them into positive and realistic statements.
  3. Celebrate your achievements - Take time to acknowledge your successes, big or small. Celebrating your achievements can help you build confidence and self-esteem.
  4. Practice self-care - Self-care is crucial for managing impostor syndrome. Take time to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones.
  5. Seek support - Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional about your feelings. It's essential to have a support system that can help you navigate impostor syndrome and provide you with encouragement and reassurance.

Now you could recognize and acknowledge your feelings of self-doubt, challenge them by focusing on your accomplishments, seek support from others, and practice self-care. 

 

And with time and effort, you can overcome impostor syndrome and build confidence in yourself and your abilities.

 

Or…

 

Now remember... this is a syndrome, which according the English Oxford Dictionary means: 

“A group of symptoms which consistently occur together, or a condition characterized by a set of associated symptoms. are strategies.”

 

And symptoms were created by well meaning people to help label and alleviate what was going on. 

 

Symptoms… are… innocently… made… up…

 

Therefore syndromes… are… innocently… made… up…

 

I’ll give you a few minutes to let that one sink in. 

 

Please know that not for one second am I saying the effect of what the person is feeling is made up, that is absolutely real to them in that moment.

 

Ok here’s the alternative to following the 5 steps and using up your precious time and effort …

 

Don’t look outside for an answer.

 

When you hear your Negative Talk radio turning on in the morning and cranking up to 11 throughout your day, just know that’s all it is. 

 

A radio. 

 

And the best thing about radio? 

 

You can turn it off.

 

How do you turn this radio off?

 

By knowing it’s just a thought.

 

And you don’t need to act on that thought. 

 

Ever.

 

You can just let it fade out.

 

Look out for another simple conversation celebrating Mothers Day without stress, steps or strategies coming next week.

Practice never makes perfect, but it does make...

Man holding hand up in front of his face

Hands up... who's said something like... 
 

"It isn't perfect but it'll do for now!" 

 

or "We'll perfect it later..."

 

or "She's a perfectionist... she doesn't stop until she's got it absolutely right!"

 

Chances are many of us have said this at some point...

Perfectionism is a common trait that many people struggle with. 

 

It is the tendency to set impossibly high standards for oneself and to strive for flawlessness in every aspect of life. 

 

Now depending on who you listen to, while some level of perfectionism can be motivating and lead to high achievement, it can also be harmful and lead to a range of negative outcomes. 

 

In this blog post, I'll offer you the mainstream concept of perfectionism, including 6 strategies for managing perfectionistic tendencies, and then I'll leave you with 1 simple idea .

 

So the mainstream concept of what Perfectionism is...

 

Perfectionism is a personality trait that is characterized by a strong desire to achieve flawlessness and high standards.

 

People who are perfectionists often have an all-or-nothing mentality and believe that anything less than perfect is a failure.

 

They may have excessively high expectations of themselves and others, and be overly critical of mistakes and shortcomings.

Perfectionism can manifest in different ways, such as in academic or work performance, personal appearance, relationships, and even hobbies or interests. It is important to note that perfectionism is not the same as striving for excellence or setting goals that are challenging but achievable. Instead, perfectionism is an extreme form of self-imposed pressure that can lead to negative outcomes.

 

Effects of Perfectionism on Mental Health

Perfectionism can have a range of negative effects on mental health. Research has linked perfectionism with higher levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. People who are perfectionists may experience self-doubt, fear of failure, and a sense of never being good enough. They may also struggle with procrastination and avoidance, as the fear of not meeting their high standards can be overwhelming.

 

Perfectionism can also impact relationships with others. People who are perfectionists may have unrealistic expectations of others and be overly critical of their loved ones. This can lead to strained relationships and a lack of social support, which can further exacerbate feelings of stress and isolation.

 

Strategies for Managing Perfectionism

 

1. If you struggle with perfectionism, there are strategies that can help you manage your tendencies and improve your mental health. Here are some tips to get started:

2. Set realistic goals: Instead of striving for perfection, set goals that are challenging but achievable. Break larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps, and celebrate your progress along the way.

3. Practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding toward yourself, especially when you make mistakes or fall short of your expectations. Remember that nobody is perfect, and it is okay to make mistakes.

4. Challenge negative thoughts: When you notice negative thoughts or self-criticism, challenge them with more balanced and realistic thoughts. For example, instead of thinking, "I'm a failure," try thinking, "I did my best, and that's all I can ask of myself."

5. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, can help you stay present in the moment and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety.

6. Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional about your perfectionistic tendencies. They can offer perspective, support, and guidance for managing your feelings.

 

Or simply see that perfectionism does not and cannot exist... it's made up.

 

People innocently chase perfectionism to keep their minds busy. 

 

Deep down they know it doesn't exist yet... 

 

they innocently believe it will protect them from what really needs their attention. 

 

Practice never makes perfect... it makes possibilities.

 

Look out for another simple conversation without stress, steps or strategies coming next week.

Why you can do tomorrow what you put off today

Man holding hand up in front of his face

Procrastination is common. 

 

When was the last time you delayed doing something that needed to be done?

 

(I did it this morning).

 

I knew there was a mountain of housework to get done today but I stayed in bed. 

 

You know the routine… 

doing anything else… 

burying my head in a tome of a book… 

reading spam emails…

digging the lawnmower out the shed... (yeah it was that bad)

what I was going to have for tea…

 

…as long as I possibly could  

Bloody annoying isn’t it?

 

Your wisdom is telling you if you just got the thing done then it’s done and you can move on to more interesting things like... free fall skydiving.

 

Sometimes not doing something can have really painful effects on you: 

 

Raise your anxiety levels to the stratosphere…

 

Lead to failure in your job… 

 

Failure in your marriage… 

 

And unfortunately that’s not all…

 

How often have you felt stressed about an impending deadline? And how did this affect your mental and physical health?

Where have you missed out on opportunities because you were not able to complete tasks on time?

When was the last time you rushed to complete a task at the last minute? And was it your best work?
What happened when you were unable to complete something effectively and efficiently? Felt bad didn’t it?


Ok so what causes procrastination?

 

 Well that depends…

 

See, psychology innocently provides complicated reasons and then there is one simple reason.

 

So some of the most common innocent causes offered by psychology are: 

  1. Lack of motivation: When we’re not interested in a task, we tend to procrastinate. This is because we do not see the value in completing it, and we would rather do something else.
  2. Fear of failure: (Remember last week’s post?) Many people procrastinate because they are afraid of failing. They believe that if they do not try, they cannot fail (Yoda summed this up brilliantly “Do or do not. There is no try”). However this type of thinking can be detrimental to their success in the long run.
  3. Perfectionism: Some people have a tendency to strive for perfection in everything they do. This can lead to procrastination because they are afraid that they will not be able to meet their own high standards (I’ll talk about this one in next week’s post)
  4. Distractions: With the rise of social media and technology, distractions are everywhere. It is easy to get sidetracked by emails, messages and notifications, which can cause us to procrastinate on important tasks.

 

And psychology innocently provide these strategies to overcome procrastination

  1. Break tasks into smaller pieces: When we are faced with a large task, it can be overwhelming. Breaking it into smaller, more manageable pieces can make it less intimidating and easier to complete.
  2. Set deadlines: Setting deadline for tasks can help to keep us on track and prevent procrastination. It is important to set realistic deadlines that allow enough time for completion.
  3. Eliminate distractions: Eliminating distractions such as social media and technology can help to increase focus and productivity.
  4. Find motivation: Finding motivation and purpose in a task can make it easier to complete. This can involve finding a personal connection to the task or visualizing the end result.

 

But take a moment and ask yourself… when was the last time these worked for you? Really worked for you?

 

And then ask yourself why didn’t they work for you last time?

 

Remember these are strategies.

 

Created by well meaning people. 

 

Strategies… are… made… up.

 

Read that bit again. Let it sink in.

 

This is soooo powerful.

 

Seriously read it again...


And this is why those strategies haven’t worked for you in the past.


So what’s the one simple reason this is happening? Maybe now is not the right time to do it.

 

 

Ask yourself… Would tomorrow be better to tackle the issue after I’ve had time to sleep on it?

 

My wisdom told me today wasn't the best day to do the housework but tomorrow will be because there's no one else in the house.


When you feel procrastination creeping up, you could try the 4 strategies if you want… or consider… is now simply not the right time and wait for the right time? 

 

It’s just thought.


And you don't have to keep acting on that thought...

 

Look out for another simple conversation without stress, steps or strategies on perfectionism coming next week.

Conquer fear just like you conquered reading

Man holding hand up in front of his face

Fear is a universal human emotion experienced by people of all ages, genders, and backgrounds. 


It is a natural response to perceived danger or threat, and can range from mild discomfort to intense panic. 

 

And let’s face it… fear has been our friend down the ages.


It’s kept us from being the saber tooth tiger’s choice from the starter menu

It’s stopped us from going down that dark alley late at night.


It’s allowed us to enjoy some iconic movie scenes such as Psycho, Jaws and Halloween.

 

But it can also hold us back from achieving our goals, pursuing our dreams, and living our lives to the fullest. 

You see, fear is a normal and adaptive response to perceived danger or threat. It triggers a series of physical and psychological changes in the body, such as increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and heightened awareness, to prepare us to face or flee from the threat. In some cases, fear can be helpful in protecting us from harm, such as avoiding dangerous situations or taking necessary precautions. 

 

This is where evolution gave us freeze, flight or fight. 

 

As a very young species pottering around in caves us Humans learned really fast which monster mouth full of razor sharp teeth looking for its next meal had bad eyesight (which meant we could stand still and we would not be devoured) and which monster mouth full of razor sharp teeth also came with laser tracking eye sight which meant that we needed to RUN-LIKE-F*CK in the opposite direction.

 

Nowadays we don’t usually need to worry about monster mouths full of teeth looking for its next meal, it’s more non-life threatening situations such as:

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of the unknown
  • Fear of success (yes really)
  • Fear of loss
  • Fear of public speaking (which in many polls comes before a fear of death)
  • Fear of spiders
  • Fear of going outside 

Same physiological and psychological response as our ancestors but without the release of freeze, flight or fight the response has nowhere to go. 


And this is when these fears become excessive, irrational, or persistent, it can interfere with your ability to function and enjoy life. 

 

It can lead to avoidance behaviors, negative self-talk, and self-limiting beliefs that hold you back from pursuing your goals and dreams. 


And when this happens you want answers. You want to Identify the root of your fear, to help you understand it better and find ways to cope with it.

 

Completely understandable.

 

So you start your research…
Straight to Dr. Google… 
Maybe speak to someone you know… 
Back to Dr. Google… 

 

You find these innocent strategies to help you overcome fear: 

  1. Challenge your thoughts: Negative self-talk and self-limiting beliefs can fuel fear and prevent you from taking action. Try to challenge these thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones. For example, instead of thinking "I can't do it," say "I can try my best and learn from my mistakes."
  2. Take small steps: Facing your fears can be daunting, but taking small steps toward your goal can build confidence and reduce anxiety. Break down your goal into manageable tasks and focus on one at a time.
  3. Seek support: Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide you with emotional support, guidance, and encouragement. It can also help you gain a different perspective on your situation and find new strategies for coping.
  4. Finding courage is about facing your fears and taking action despite them. It is a process of stepping out of your comfort zone, taking risks, and trusting in yourself and your abilities. 
  5. Practice self-compassion: Being kind and compassionate toward yourself can help you overcome self-doubt and fear of failure. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend.
  6. Visualize success: Imagining yourself achieving your goal and feeling proud and confident can help you build motivation and courage.
  7. Take inspiration from others: Reading about the stories of others who have faced and overcome fear can provide you with inspiration and courage. Seek out role models who embody the qualities you admire and can learn from.

But... that’s a lot to remember isn’t it? 

 

Never mind, you've stuck with it... you’ve had success with some of these innocent strategies and the others just aren’t working for you. 

 

And after a while... 


despite all your hard work...


 you find yourself slipping back... 
back into your old ways... 


back to giving in to the fear... 


You have a think and end up persuading yourself: 

‘Well my dream to conquer my fear of success to help me build my business, clearly isn’t for me. I’ll just stick with my day job, it’s easier.’

Or

‘I really wanted to conquer my fear of spiders so I could go on that trip of a lifetime to the Amazon jungle. Ah well, it’ll have to be another beach holiday again.’

Or 

‘I was sooo looking forward to getting over my fear of the outdoors so I could visit my family but looks like they’ll have to keep visiting me… lucky the supermarket does home deliveries.’

 

So now you’re friggin’ frustrated - nothing’s working for you!

 

You’re flippin’ angry - something has to be causing all this fear!

 

You're soooo soddin’ tired!
Tired of fear holding you back!
Tired of fear limiting your abilities!


Tired of watching fear pull your goals and best life further… and further… away until it's a speck on the horizon... then gone...

 

Why should you hold yourself back just because of a fear? 
Why should you settle for less because of a fear? 
Why should you change your life because of fear?

 

Ok, I'll let you into a secret... 


Come closer...


Bit more...


Back a bit (did you have coffee this morning?)...


Listen. Very.  Carefully.

There are only 2 fears in nature. 

 

Only 2:  Fear of falling and fear of loud noises.

 

The fear of falling comes from when you were starting to explore your world as a baby. 


Learning to get yourself up on all fours, wobbling a bit, falling, trying again, then graduating to standing, wobbling a lot more, falling down, getting up and trying again.


That fear of falling is built into you to force you to walk on two legs (so you can run away really fast from scary monsters trying to eat you).

 

The fear of loud noises comes from when your ancestors lived outside under the stars and many things with big teeth wanted to eat or hunt them. 


Their ears picked up the slightest noise and amplified it as an early warning system against predators, handy for when they were snuggled up in their animal furs fast asleep. 

And that early warning system is still with you today.
 

When you hear a loud noise the built in early warning system kicks in and you immediately freeze while your brain determines within milliseconds if it’s a friendly noise.

 

Every other fear you’ve heard about, read about or experienced is just thought.

 

Every… other… fear… is… just… thought.

 

Read that again and let that one sink in. 


This is powerful stuff.

 

Seriously read it again and let it sink in.

 

And this is why you struggle with overcoming your fears. 
Because those fears are innocently made up.
They don't appear in nature, they don't exist.

 

So there are 2 fears that are natural and adaptive responses to perceived danger or threat. 


These are helpful in protecting us from harm. 

When you feel all other fears creeping up, you could continue working through the 7 strategies if you want… 


or just know they are innocently coming from your own thought.

And you don't have to keep acting on that thought...

 

Another simple conversation without stress, steps or strategies coming next week.

 

Let me know what you think, I love reading your emails and I  reply to all of them.

 

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